He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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