Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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