My room smells like vodka and shame
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
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