look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Your cock deserves a montage
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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