dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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