any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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