my soul wont recognize me after tonight
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
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