I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
