STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Randomize
