Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
