garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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