I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize