operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
