My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
