it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize