I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
