I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
