chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Randomize
