if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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