so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
