Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I think my moral compass just broke
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
