I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
