apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
