did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
