Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
