just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
