Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Randomize
