I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just pee around me
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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