I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
