Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Someone signed my nipple.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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