yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
