Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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