he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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