Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
