So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
the liver wants what the liver wants
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
whose parrot is this?
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
