woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
