told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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