don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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