i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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