Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
