She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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