i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
