Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
