After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
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