I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
