You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
