seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
