life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
