Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
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