Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Randomize