just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
