just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
