im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
