dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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