Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
