My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There r osticjed everywhere
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
