You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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