last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
