i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize