what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
