I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
