I just made out with a guy for $7.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Randomize
