she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
