Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
