i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
