You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
