i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
