I just made out with a guy for $7.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
