He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize