Rock
Scissors
Fuck
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize