I accidentally burped into my bong.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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