in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
