I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
