My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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