That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
