I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
