So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
