i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
