they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
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