I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
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