I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
